Anticipation

Well It's almost the 25th and I am doing pretty good. I have my moments where I start to get upset and I just have to remind myself that she is so my happier in heaven. I have to remind myself of how hard life must have been for her and how much pain she felt. When I think of this I calm down and realize that she is in a much better place and I wouldn't change a thing. I wouldn't trade her happiness and health for my own wants and needs. I've realized that sometimes when the Lord tells you things are going to be OK he doesn't always mean ok in our eyes, but OK in his eyes. I hope that makes sense because it makes so much more sense in my head. Anyway I decided to take off work on the 25th and visit Addison memorial. I feel like that is what I need to do and I plan on being there Friday morning to give her flowers and tell her I love her.

I know this is short but I am just not up to writing to much and I am tired. I wish everyone a wonderful weekend and I request that you all pray for me during this hard time.

Please feel free to view Addison's tribute video that Shelia made for us last year.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t_zvS8Ljgr4

Almost a year later

Well it's been almost a year since Addison died and I have not said much since that time. My other web page with www.addisonfaus.wetpaint.com and most of you probably remember me from that. I have not had much to say over the past year since for some reason I feel like it's not ok to express how I feel. I think I get more upset now then I did after Addison died. I was ok then because I knew she was no longer in pain and she was with the Lord. I remember how bad everything was in the end. Now it is not as fresh in my mind, don't get me wrong I will never forget the day Addison died ever. It is embedded in my mind and it sometimes keeps me awake at night, especially now since it's almost been a year. I think about where we were this time last year and it brings back everything. I think that after July 25th my constant obsession of the 25th will subside. This month marks the end of the first....birthday, Christmas, death, ect.

I went this weekend with the wonderful ladies of Bethel Baptist Church to Deeper Still in Atlanta, GA. It was an amazing weekend. I have no control over my tears so they were flowing all weekend. I can't tell you how I felt this weekend at the event. I have felt distant from the word this past year. I've been trying to get my head straight and get back into the word, but the devil has had a hold over me. I have felt let down and the devil has ran with that. This weekend has rejuvenated my spirit and I feel like I am back on track. The worship time was just breath taking. I wish I had all 19k woman on CD singing at one time, because it just is unexplainable. I had a great time and I am so glad I went. I can't wait to do this again.

Well I guess that is it for now. I will write more later.